Transformation from white coat to white collar

20^th of September, the darkest day in 2012 that I shall never forget, the most vital trigger point to plug in an element of change in my life, the most fatal mistake I’d ever make, and never shall I make again in the future.  I have to confess that I can never figure out what a doctor’s career path will be when I first came through the 8 blank spaces in my application form for university 6 years ago. What is my ambition? To be a doctor sounds not bad, indeed quite attractive and gorgeous by impression. Yea I’m pretty impressed by a doctor’s duty when I was young, attributable to my immune system’s immaturity that could not fight through some Streptococcus family who visited my body almost monthly during my childhood. I decided that I should seriously consider about taking this duty to treat others like how the doctor has treated me, to wipe off those unwelcomed species from someone else’s body. Of course, I’m still naïve to have a detail picture about a doctor’s duty, other than those over-simplified version being illustrated by a general practitioner, damn I’m being cheated, anyway indirectly. Of course my ambition is not limited to this profession per se, I once wished that I can be a journalist, a broadcasting personnel and some awesome nothing-to-care-of backpackers, ok I know the last one is strictly-speaking not an ambition, a dream maybe.

I can never expect myself to carry such a heavy responsibility, of saving lives and curing those terminally-ill. Working in a hospital is what I can hardly bear with, dealing with emergency situation is definitely out of my capability, and I’m not ready to withstand an adrenaline surge in my body which will happen at anytime, such an adventurous and exciting event, not of my flavour. The depressing truth is, I can only realise and reveal all these facts when I’m in the position of a houseman, be it too late or not.

I always believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter we are aware of it or not. I made a huge mistake, causing chaos in my team for a moment, I guess my specialist had asystole for seconds as well. Good news is, no casualty resulted other than loss of one houseman from the hospital, well who cares? I would said, out of my expectation, many. Some of my colleagues responded in various ways which really touch me, my friends had wasted their saliva keep persuading me to continue on the “right path”, for me, probably right and absolutely bright but certainly not a suitable path of mine. My superior dated me for a drink and advised me. My family brought me to temples and even a psychiatrist who recommended me to join under her Amway sales line, such hilarious transferring period that I’ve gone through for months, before my life stabilises once again.

In a flash of light, it’s been one year since the trigger event occurred, and more than half year since my career transformation from a white-coater to a white collar. I’m not sure whether everyone has adapted to my new identity but it is surely not my duty to ensure that everyone accepts my fresh career role. I had overestimated myself 6 years ago, do allow me to make a turn and I shall perform better thereafter. One thing to be sure of, I’m much comfortable now and my adrenaline level is welled maintained. Cheers everyone! J